730 days ago my love got taken away from me
730 days too many since she’s been gone
730 days ago my heart broke forever
730 days ago I lost the love of my life
730 days worth of tears
4017+ days that I got to spend with her and I cherish every single one of them
Tu es ma meilleure amie. Je t’aime, Liberty ❤
I want to send out a big hug and lots of kisses to everyone that has read any of my insane ramblings, followed or maybe even “liked” any of my posts. It has been one hell of a year and here’s to 2015!
I want to wish everyone a very very Happy New Year!!
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,500 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 25 trips to carry that many people.
3 hours into Christmas earlier today and my family was already getting on my nerves.
Is it some kind of unwritten rule that family drama must ensue during holidays??!
Tomorrow my cousin is coming over to Granny’s house to cook and he’s basically invited like 20 freaking people. I have no desire whatsoever to go and be social and shit, let alone with 20+ people. Yuck. Family members no less. Christmas mostly feels like an obligation, to be honest. And this is why I informed everyone that I would not be joining the “fun”. Then my aunt decided to yell at me. She literally told me “It’s Christmas. Even if you don’t like each other, you just pretend. At least until Christmas is over”. Yeah, ah.. Nah? Nothing against my family (mostly?) but the last thing I need is to PRETEND to like each other and stand there and be asked the following questions by family members that I haven’t seen in years:
-“You looking fat oh. You pregnant?”
-“Have you gained weight?”
Or the very well known:
-“Why you spoiling yourself like that oh? Why you putting all those tattoos on your body like that oh!? You used to be such a fine girl!”
And the ones I truly hate:
-“How’s your mom?”
Me: “I wouldn’t know. Don’t care”.
-“OH, what you mean you don’t know? She your mother!!”
Me “Nah.. Not really…”
-“No, no, no Conchita, you can’t behave like that oh! Your mother is your mother”..
That is usually the point where I’d grab the nearest wine bottle and just chug the entire thing.
So yeah… My bed, a cold beer and I shall be having a lovely 2nd Christmas day tomorrow!
Not gonna be forced to play nice and act social all day 👍
This morning something funny happened, I just had to share it with you guys.
Early morning breakfast conversation:
Me: “Yeah, I don’t ever want to have kids”.
Aunt: “WHAT?! But why not?”
Me: “Because I don’t want to”.
Aunt: “But there is nothing wrong with your eggs! You can have children! At least have 1 and be done with it”.
Me: “I do not WANT to have kids!!!!!!”
Aunt: “But how is that possible?!”
Me: “Sigh, we have this conversation at least 4 times a year and every time it’s like your brain can’t accept what I am saying, or rather, won’t accept what I am saying”.
Aunt: “You are a woman! You have to have kids!!!”
Me: “What law states that I have to have kids because I am a woman??”
Aunt: “It is just the way it is!!! You are a woman and that is your job and purpose in life! To have children!!”
My 11 year old sister (that I take care of full time!!): “So I won’t be an aunt?”
Me: “Sure you will! To my 30 dogs!”
Aunt: “M, she is going to have children, even if I have to force her!!”
Me: “Oh, so you’re going to force me ah? I’d like to see you try, last time I checked it was still MY life and MY womb”.
Aunt: “God and I will make you! You just wait and see”.
Me: “Here, have some more bacon. It’s really healthy. Have loads!”
This morning I was apparently transported back to the 1950’s!! Lol. The nerve of some people.
Yes, I am indeed a woman. No, I am not obligated to have children.
Yes, it is and always will be MY choice.
No, it will never be anyone’s else’s choice.
Yes, I like children.
No, I do not wish to have any of my own.
Happiness (in life) does not depend on whether or not I pass a kid through my lady parts.
My aunt is not the first to go off on me like that because of my decision not to have kids. People like her need to mind their own business and accept that it’s my decision and not theirs.
My all time favorite has always been “Oh you don’t know what you are talking about. You’re still young, you will change your mind”. That shit cracks me up!!
I am 25 years old, I think that I am capable of making my own decisions. I made up my mind about not having kids when I was in my teens for fucks sake.
#TeamNoKids #life #MyBodyMyChoice #LeaveMyWombAlone
I am supposed to be studying for my exam for school next week but I can’t concentrate to save my life. No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to focus long enough. “Every day I just fight, I constantly fight myself, and it’s driving me crazy.
My uncle came by today to check my computer out, he’s an IT-er. We were just talking and goofing around when I suddenly just dropped my myself, face first, into my pile of clean clothes on the sofa in my room. Next thing you know I could feel the tears filling up my eyes. Before you knew it (before I even knew it) I was crying into the pile of clothes.
I just couldn’t seem to stop crying. I cried like I have never cried before. I mean full blown crying and that then turned into hyperventilating along with crying. My uncle tried consoling me, asking me what was wrong, I tried answering in between very loud sobs.
Everything just came out. I couldn’t stop crying. It’s like someone opened the floodgates and it all came crashing down like huge waves. And neither my uncle nor I had any idea what brought this on. Next thing you know I was sobbing uncontrollably and telling my uncle how every day feels like a struggle. How every day I fight so hard against all the feelings and urges. “Every day I fight this horrible battle against myself when all I truly want to do is just die” is what I told him in between sobs. How everyone is always turning to me for everything, how everyone is pulling at me from all angles and how no one ever bothers to ask or see how I am doing. I am 24, turning 25 next weekend, and I am carrying the weight of everyone around me on my shoulders and it is exhausting. I have my own issues that keep me busy enough. I hate to sound whiny but I don’t deserve any of this.
These last few weeks I have been incredibly crabby and very very very VERY sad. Miserable even. I feel like I am tapped out, completely.
I am so tired, I don’t know what to do anymore. Completely dissociated as well.
Sigh, all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. So if I am silent for a whole, you know why…