A lot of people I know like to refer to the police as “pigs”. They should refer to men as pigs, because that’s what the majority of them are pigs. Please note how I did not say that ALL men are pigs, because we all know there is going to be at least 1 man out there that is gonna get butthurt over it.
Here is an example of a conversation that I had earlier today with this guy online…
Dude: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m feeling hella crappy. Miserable”
Dude: “I’ve got the cure for that!”
Me: “And that is?”
Dude: “It’s in my pants”
Me: “Sigh. Just go away. Fuck off”
Dude: “Come on! My big dick will make you feel better!”
I love it how men seem to think that sex can cure anything that ails you.
This is nothing, this is tame, I’ve had worse conversations before. Two days ago I went out with this guy that been on my case to go out with him. Out of sheer boredom (read: avoiding my schoolwork) I decided to meet up with him. Everything was going good and then he decided to let the crazy out.
Thomas: “Did you know that one of Obama’s Secret Service Agents is an alien!? I saw the guy on YouTube!”
Me: ” Oh really? Okay…”
Thomas: “Yeah man, aliens exist! Haven’t you ever wondered why we don’t have an amusement park on the moon?! The system is controlling us! The government is telling lies just to control us! All the history that we were taught in school is all fake!!”
Me: “I have a headache, could you please take me home now?”
The second I got home I blocked him everywhere. I haven’t even posted all that he said, and he said a lot! All that was missing was a tinfoil hat.
They say that there are “plenty fish in the sea”, what they failed to mention was that all the fish are fucking creepers-psychos-stalkers-idiots-cray cray. I’ve often wondered if I have an invisible sign on my forehead that says “Crazy? Creepy? (emotional) issues? Mommy issues? Immature? Come right over!”. In my 25 years on this earth I have yet to attract a normal (I know, what’s normal?) guy. Someone please remove this invisible sign from my forehead. Thanks!
Suffice it to say that I’ve accepted my fate a long time ago. The way I see it my life can only go 1 of 2 ways:
1. Become a nun
2. They’ll find my body 4 weeks later, with my 30 dogs by my side
So yeah, the dating pool: filled with mutated fish!