2014

I want to send out a big hug and lots of kisses to everyone that has read any of my insane ramblings, followed or maybe even “liked” any of my posts. It has been one hell of a year and here’s to 2015!

I want to wish everyone a very very Happy New Year!!

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,500 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 25 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Ho ho ho and a bottle of beer

3 hours into Christmas earlier today and my family was already getting on my nerves.

Is it some kind of unwritten rule that family drama must ensue during holidays??!

Tomorrow my cousin is coming over to Granny’s house to cook and he’s basically invited like 20 freaking people. I have no desire whatsoever to go and be social and shit, let alone with 20+ people. Yuck. Family members no less. Christmas mostly feels like an obligation, to be honest. And this is why I informed everyone that I would not be joining the “fun”. Then my aunt decided to yell at me. She literally told me “It’s Christmas. Even if you don’t like each other, you just pretend. At least until Christmas is over”. Yeah, ah.. Nah? Nothing against my family (mostly?) but the last thing I need is to PRETEND to like each other and stand there and be asked the following questions by family members that I haven’t seen in years:

-“You looking fat oh. You pregnant?”
-“Have you gained weight?”

Or the very well known:

-“Why you spoiling yourself like that oh? Why you putting all those tattoos on your body like that oh!? You used to be such a fine girl!”

And the ones I truly hate:

-“How’s your mom?”
Me: “I wouldn’t know. Don’t care”.
-“OH, what you mean you don’t know? She your mother!!”
Me “Nah.. Not really…”
-“No, no, no Conchita, you can’t behave like that oh! Your mother is your mother”..

That is usually the point where I’d grab the nearest wine bottle and just chug the entire thing.

So yeah… My bed, a cold beer and I shall be having a lovely 2nd Christmas day tomorrow!

Not gonna be forced to play nice and act social all day 👍

#GrinchMode

Ho ho ho..

It’s December. This means that I am constantly being bombarded by Christmas and all that comes with it.

This annoys me, it annoys me a lot. In fact, it aggravates me quite a bit. Everywhere I go I am confronted with jolly people and Christmas decorations everywhere. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it. All it does is remind me of what I don’t have and of how utterly miserable I am.

I am trying, I am genuinely trying to muster up even the slightest interest for the holidays, but I can’t. It’s like my brain just can’t do it. I go through this every year, over and over again, but I never succeed.

A big part of me truly can’t be bothered with the whole Christmas thing, even if I wasn’t broke as fuck, I feel like I can’t be fucked to go through all of the trouble. Decorate the house, put up a tree, make Christmas dinner, spend all day cooking and cleaning, and for what? So I can take it all down come January 6th? Yeah, I’m good.

And at the same time there is another part of me that really wants that awesome Christmas that you see in the movies and on television. That’s when your brain reminds you that this is life and not a movie.

So excuse me while me and my extremely fantastic mood scurry on along and hide under the blankets until spring.

Holla at me when the flowers are in bloom again…

Oink oink

A lot of people I know like to refer to the police as “pigs”. They should refer to men as pigs, because that’s what the majority of them are pigs. Please note how I did not say that ALL men are pigs, because we all know there is going to be at least 1 man out there that is gonna get butthurt over it. 

Here is an example of a conversation that I had earlier today with this guy online…

Dude: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m feeling hella crappy. Miserable”
Dude: “I’ve got the cure for that!”
Me: “And that is?”
Dude: “It’s in my pants”
Me: “Sigh. Just go away. Fuck off”

Dude: “Come on! My big dick will make you feel better!”

Me: *blocks*

I love it how men seem to think that sex can cure anything that ails you.

‪#‎fuckingretards‬

This is nothing, this is tame, I’ve had worse conversations before. Two days ago I went out with this guy that been on my case to go out with him. Out of sheer boredom (read: avoiding my schoolwork) I decided to meet up with him. Everything was going good and then he decided to let the crazy out.

Thomas: “Did you know that one of Obama’s Secret Service Agents is an alien!? I saw the guy on YouTube!”

Me: ” Oh really? Okay…”

Thomas: “Yeah man, aliens exist! Haven’t you ever wondered why we don’t have an amusement park on the moon?! The system is controlling us! The government is telling lies just to control us! All the history that we were taught in school is all fake!!”

Me: “I have a headache, could you please take me home now?”

The second I got home I blocked him everywhere. I haven’t even posted all that he said, and he said a lot! All that was missing was a tinfoil hat.

They say that there are “plenty fish in the sea”, what they failed to mention was that all the fish are fucking creepers-psychos-stalkers-idiots-cray cray. I’ve often wondered if I have an invisible sign on my forehead that says “Crazy? Creepy? (emotional) issues? Mommy issues? Immature? Come right over!”. In my 25 years on this earth I have yet to attract a normal (I know, what’s normal?) guy. Someone please remove this invisible sign from my forehead. Thanks!

Suffice it to say that I’ve accepted my fate a long time ago. The way I see it my life can only go 1 of 2 ways:

1. Become a nun

2. They’ll find my body 4 weeks later, with my 30 dogs by my side

So yeah, the dating pool: filled with mutated fish!

Dear asshole…

There is this man that I see walking around my neighbourhood quite often, I think that he lives here. For the past 2 evenings he has been in the same bus that I always take to go home.

This man has a few (facial) tics which cause him to make these involuntary movements with his hands (and face).

Last night as I was in the bus on my way home I saw him again. A guy around my age entered the bus and sat down next to the man with the tics. As I stood across from the both of them in the bus I decided to watch the younger guy closely.

About 1 minute after he sat down next to the man with the tics he (the guy my own age) got up and stood by the door. I continued watching him because I was curious as to why he went and stood by the door. Was he getting off at the next stop or did he leave his seat because he did not want to sit down next to the man with the tics?

Lo and behold, I was right! He got up from his seat and stood by the door because he did not want to sit next to the man with the tics.

It was my stop (and coincidentally the man with the tics also got out) so I got out of the bus. I didn’t walk away but stood there instead, I watched the younger guy go BACK to his seat once the man with the tics got off of the bus.

I then knocked on the window of the bus to get the younger guy’s attention. When he looked up and I knew that he saw me I flipped him off. I gave him the big ol’ bird!

This young man did not know the older man with the tics and yet he made an assumption. He probably thought: “Oh that man must be crazy, let me stay away from him!”.

Seeing this happen pissed me off quite a bit. Why? Because the younger man acted as if the older man was contagious. As if he wasn’t normal. And that really pissed me off.

Yeah, the older man had a few tics, so what? Does that make him less worthy? Does that mean that you can not sit next to him in a bus?

Moral of this story? People are assholes. Human beings treat each other so poorly and it angers and frustrates me.

Be kind to your fellow man, it only takes a few seconds out of your day.

So here’s to the asshole that got up out of his seat: “fuck you, fuck the horse that you rode in on and fuck your stupid face!”

Porky Pig

Gah. I am such an emotional wreck lately. Eating to fill that void that will never truly be filled. Sometimes I honestly just think to myself: “Screw this, I should just let myself go completely and eat whatever the hell I want. At least then I’ll be jolly!”. Gah.

Then of course 15 minutes later you’re surfing the net when you see a gorgeous girl with a gorgeos guy and you’re all: “Oh no. Gah. I should just stop eating entirely, then I’ll be pretty like her and I’ll have a handsome boyfriend like hers”.

Seriously?! I have never had these feelings before in my entire life and now I am 1 week shy of 25 and suddenly it’s all I can think about. Gah.

Then of course everyone you know gives you the standard peptalk and you’re just like: “Gah, I KNOW all of this stuff already. I have tried it all before!”. The peptalk usually goes something like this: “Exercise! Go to the gym! Eat better! Work out!”. And you just stand there like: “Really? You don’t think that I haven’t thought of all those things? REALLY?!”.

Okay, euhm, I don’t know what is going on with me lately. It’s like I’m extra bitchy-moody-opinionated-emotional. Let’s blame it on my Quarter Life Crisis.

Ermahgerd, 25!!!!

24 and so over this thing called life…

I am supposed to be studying for my exam for school next week but I can’t concentrate to save my life. No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to focus long enough. “Every day I just fight, I constantly fight myself, and it’s driving me crazy.

My uncle came by today to check my computer out, he’s an IT-er. We were just talking and goofing around when I suddenly just dropped my myself, face first, into my pile of clean clothes on the sofa in my room. Next thing you know I could feel the tears filling up my eyes. Before you knew it (before I even knew it) I was crying into the pile of clothes.

I just couldn’t seem to stop crying. I cried like I have never cried before. I mean full blown crying and that then turned into hyperventilating along with crying. My uncle tried consoling me, asking me what was wrong, I tried answering in between very loud sobs.

Everything just came out. I couldn’t stop crying. It’s like someone opened the floodgates and it all came crashing down like huge waves. And neither my uncle nor I had any idea what brought this on. Next thing you know I was sobbing uncontrollably and telling my uncle how every day feels like a struggle. How every day I fight so hard against all the feelings and urges. “Every day I fight this horrible battle against myself when all I truly want to do is just die” is what I told him in between sobs. How everyone is always turning to me for everything, how everyone is pulling at me from all angles and how no one ever bothers to ask or see how I am doing. I am 24, turning 25 next weekend, and I am carrying the weight of everyone around me on my shoulders and it is exhausting. I have my own issues that keep me busy enough. I hate to sound whiny but I don’t deserve any of this.

These last few weeks I have been incredibly crabby and very very very VERY sad. Miserable even. I feel like I am tapped out, completely.

I am so tired, I don’t know what to do anymore. Completely dissociated as well.

Sigh, all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. So if I am silent for a whole, you know why…

Together we stand

The well is dry
No more tears left to cry
I can’t do no more
My entire body is sore
Lost is how I feel
I no longer know how to deal
Sometimes I think that I do
But to be honest, I haven’t the slightest clue

I want to spare her the pain
Of all the emotional strain
To kiss her gently and make it go away
But all I can do is be here and stay

No matter how hard that is
There is nothing I can do but this

Forever bound by blood
Together we will survive this emotional flood….

-CHF

*Journey Through BPD*