Never Enough

Five Finger Death Punch (best.band.ever) sums it up very nicely, how I feel right now (and every other day, basically). So let me quote the following song….

“Never Enough”

I’m so fed up with everyone around me
No one seems to care
I’m just so far gone and nothing’s gonna change
I’ll never be the same
It’s always do this, do that, everything they want to
I don’t wanna live that way (No!)
Every chance they get they’re always pushing me away

It’s never enough, no it’s never enough
No matter what I say
It’s never enough, no it’s never enough
I’ll never be what you want me to be

It’s all so messed up and no one ever listens
Everyone’s deranged
I’m just so fucked up and I’m never gonna change
I wanna lay it all to waste
They’re always say this, say that, nothing that you want to
I don’t wanna live that way (No!)
Every chance they get they’re always shoving me aside

It’s never enough, no it’s never enough
No matter what I say
It’s never enough, no it’s never enough
I’ll never be what you want me to be
I’M DONE!

In the end we’re all just chalk lines on the concrete
Drawn only to be washed away
For the time that I’ve been given
I am what I am

I’d rather hate you for everything you are
Than ever love you for something you are not
I’d rather you hate me for everything I am
Than have you love me for something that I can’t

It’s never enough, it’s never enough
No matter what I say
It’s never enough, no it’s never enough
No matter who I try to be
It’s never enough, no it’s never enough
No matter how I try to change
It’s never enough, never never enough
I’ll never be what you want me to be

Narrow minded fucktards

There is a group home for ex addicts with psychiatric issues near my house. I was walking past it when a man walked up to me and he was talking to himself about all kinds of conspiracies. It was painfully obvious that he was a paranoid schizophrenic. I listened to him ramble on for a second when this woman walked by and said: “All a bunch of crazies. I don’t want them in our neighbourhood, they should throw them all in jail!!”. 

I had to do my very best not to blow up at her and instead I calmly said: “I’ve got BPD along with a whole other bunch of mental health issues and I live in this neighbourhood as well, I suppose that you want me thrown in jail as well?!”.

She turned red in the face and quickly walked away.

Narrow minded people like her really piss me the fuck off!! No, you do not “just throw the crazies in jail”!! How is that helping?! You give them the proper help that they need, you don’t just throw them aside as if they’re trash!!

Oh, my blood is still boiling!!!

Anybody up there listening?

*smoke break*

Okay, so I know this book cover to cover AND I know how to APPLY all of said knowledge. I truly can’t do anything else but do the practice questions, FORCE myself to sleep tonight and go do the exam at 9am tomorrow morning.

If anyone up there is listening; I need to pass this exam oh!! I need, NEED to pass it tomorrow or I don’t get to take the next one on September 4th and I will also then crawl into my bed forever and never come out again. Seriously. At this point I NEED some GOOD news. So if there is anyone up there listening, HELP ME PASS THIS EXAM TOMORROW MORNING!!!

And no, keeping it to myself what the exam is for until tomorrow. Lol. If I come online around 10am my post is filled with curse words then you’ll know what’s up.

I am NOT an optimistic person, I do NOT hope but I sincerely wish that I pass it tomorrow morning.

Anyone on here that is a praying person, please, PRAY for me. Lol. I don’t care which God you worship, just pray for me. Okay? Okay!

Ok. That is all.

I was murdered

I was murdered

I sat and stared but she never came.
I was murdered.

I clung unto her legs, feeling the tears run down my cheeks.
I was murdered.

I was promised the entire world, I got nothing.
I was murdered.

I felt her arm slip and watched her walk away.
I was murdered.

I kept on hoping and wishing, but she never stayed.
I was murdered.

-CHF

Can’t.even.

It’s almost 2am and it’s yet another sleepless night. It’s been like this for weeks now but it’s worse now that I’ve started taking Ritalin. I started 2 nights ago. I am just waiting for this to pass and that it really starts working.

Right now I just feel so WEIRD. I am exhausted, in every way possible. I seriously feel drained. I just want to throw in the towel with everything and just hide in a cave forever. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

I can’t even write more than this right now. I just want peace and quiet…

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