My clock just doesn’t tick….

This morning something funny happened, I just had to share it with you guys.

Early morning breakfast conversation:

Me: “Yeah, I don’t ever want to have kids”.

Aunt: “WHAT?! But why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t want to”.

Aunt: “But there is nothing wrong with your eggs! You can have children! At least have 1 and be done with it”.

Me: “I do not WANT to have kids!!!!!!”

Aunt: “But how is that possible?!”

Me: “Sigh, we have this conversation at least 4 times a year and every time it’s like your brain can’t accept what I am saying, or rather, won’t accept what I am saying”.

Aunt: “You are a woman! You have to have kids!!!”

Me: “What law states that I have to have kids because I am a woman??”

Aunt: “It is just the way it is!!! You are a woman and that is your job and purpose in life! To have children!!”

My 11 year old sister (that I take care of full time!!): “So I won’t be an aunt?”

Me: “Sure you will! To my 30 dogs!”

Aunt: “M, she is going to have children, even if I have to force her!!”

Me: “Oh, so you’re going to force me ah? I’d like to see you try, last time I checked it was still MY life and MY womb”.

Aunt: “God and I will make you! You just wait and see”.

Me: “Here, have some more bacon. It’s really healthy. Have loads!”

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜’

This morning I was apparently transported back to the 1950’s!! Lol. The nerve of some people.

Yes, I am indeed a woman. No, I am not obligated to have children.

Yes, it is and always will be MY choice.
No, it will never be anyone’s else’s choice.

Yes, I like children.
No, I do not wish to have any of my own.

Happiness (in life) does not depend on whether or not I pass a kid through my lady parts.

My aunt is not the first to go off on me like that because of my decision not to have kids. People like her need to mind their own business and accept that it’s my decision and not theirs.

My all time favorite has always been “Oh you don’t know what you are talking about. You’re still young, you will change your mind”. That shit cracks me up!!

I am 25 years old, I think that I am capable of making my own decisions. I made up my mind about not having kids when I was in my teens for fucks sake.

#TeamNoKids #life #MyBodyMyChoice #LeaveMyWombAlone

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Oink oink

A lot of people I know like to refer to the police as “pigs”. They should refer to men as pigs, because that’s what the majority of them are pigs.ย Please note how I did not say that ALL men are pigs, because we all know there is going to be at least 1 man out there that is gonna get butthurt over it.ย 

Here is an example of a conversation that I had earlier today with this guy online…

Dude: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m feeling hella crappy. Miserable”
Dude: “I’ve got the cure for that!”
Me: “And that is?”
Dude: “It’s in my pants”
Me: “Sigh. Just go away. Fuck off”

Dude: “Come on! My big dick will make you feel better!”

Me: *blocks*

I love it how men seem to think that sex can cure anything that ails you.

โ€ช#โ€Žfuckingretardsโ€ฌ

This is nothing, this is tame, I’ve had worse conversations before. Two days ago I went out with this guy that been on my case to go out with him. Out of sheer boredom (read: avoiding my schoolwork) I decided to meet up with him. Everything was going good and then he decided to let the crazy out.

Thomas: “Did you know that one of Obama’s Secret Service Agents is an alien!? I saw the guy on YouTube!”

Me: ” Oh really? Okay…”

Thomas: “Yeah man, aliens exist! Haven’t you ever wondered why we don’t have an amusement park on the moon?! The system is controlling us! The government is telling lies just to control us! All the history that we were taught in school is all fake!!”

Me: “I have a headache, could you please take me home now?”

The second I got home I blocked him everywhere. I haven’t even posted all that he said, and he said a lot! All that was missing was a tinfoil hat.

They say that there are “plenty fish in the sea”, what they failed to mention was that all the fish are fucking creepers-psychos-stalkers-idiots-cray cray. I’ve often wondered if I have an invisible sign on my forehead that says “Crazy? Creepy? (emotional) issues? Mommy issues? Immature? Come right over!”. In my 25 years on this earth I have yet to attract a normal (I know, what’s normal?) guy. Someone please remove this invisible sign from my forehead. Thanks!

Suffice it to say that I’ve accepted my fate a long time ago. The way I see it my life can only go 1 of 2 ways:

1. Become a nun

2. They’ll find my body 4 weeks later, with my 30 dogs by my side

So yeah, the dating pool: filled with mutated fish!

Together we stand

The well is dry
No more tears left to cry
I can’t do no more
My entire body is sore
Lost is how I feel
I no longer know how to deal
Sometimes I think that I do
But to be honest, I haven’t the slightest clue

I want to spare her the pain
Of all the emotional strain
To kiss her gently and make it go away
But all I can do is be here and stay

No matter how hard that is
There is nothing I can do but this

Forever bound by blood
Together we will survive this emotional flood….

-CHF

*Journey Through BPD*

Rejection

That one thing that everyone has experienced at least one time or another in their lives. It’s never much fun and it really sucks, to be honest.

So a few days ago I did something that terrifies the hell out of me, I asked a guy for his number.

It was after midnight and I was standing at the train station when I saw a train conductor that was just getting off work. I was having a smoke when he started chatting me up. People (read: men) chat me up all the time and I generally walk away but he was cute so I stayed.

Dude was talking and talking. Asking questions and basically showing an interest in me. So yeah, my brain then picks up certain signals (or was I imagining them?!) and we both got into the train. We got separated because his coworkers saw him and they all went off to sit together.

After 10 whole minutes of pacing the train’s corridor I finally walked up to him and asked him if I could borrow him for a second. “You can do this!! Worst case scenario: he says no and you just go to the other part of the train, you won’t see him ever again! Come on! You can do this! Let’s be all YOLO about it!” Is what I kept repeating to myself as I walked up to him.

“May I ask you something? May I have your number?”, I asked while barely being able to look him in the eyes.

“Oh, wow! Really?! Oh wow! Sweetie, I am so sorry but I already have a girlfriend, otherwise I really would have given you my number!! Definitely!! You’re so sweet, thank you!” He replied.

It’s a good thing that my caramel skin hid the fact that I felt like my entire head had turned red. I just nodded and walked away as fast as I could without it seeming like I was running away.

That’s when it kicked in. “What were you thinking? Of course he has a girlfriend”. And my all time favorite kicked in as well: “Of course he turned you down, nobody wants you. Just another rejection to add to your life. Nobody wants you, you’ll forever be alone”.

As these thoughts haunted me while I paced up and down that train corridor, I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. Within a matter of minutes (2 minutes!!) this quickly turned into pure anger. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why are you fucking crying right now?! Crying is weak! You can’t be weak!!!”.

Next thing you know I was walking home at 1.30am with a million thoughts in my head and dried up tears on my cheeks.

I still can’t believe that I asked him for his number. My fear of rejection is right up there with my crippling fear of abandonment and my social anxiety. It took all of the courage that I had in me to do what I did. And it’s funny because I am 24, turning 25 in less than a month, and I can’t even ask a guy for his number. At least not face to face, online is much easier. Go team Introvert. #IntrovertsUnite. Lol.

But hey, just another night, just another rejection….