Tag Archives: mental illness

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There is a certain feeling that I can’t seem to put into words. It’s a wonderful feeling that I don’t get to experience on a daily basis, but when I do get to experience it… I really feel it. And in that one minute that I do feel it, it’s the best feeling in the world.

When I feel this way my brain “translates” this feeling into an image. An image of a dam that’s holding back the heavy waves, and when that wall comes down, all the water comes crashing through. Release.

This all happens in that one minute and when it does, it feels like “home”. It feels “safe”. The endless thrashing of water against the wall stops and it all comes out. It’s home…

There are only 3 people in this entire world that make me feel this way. These are the only 3 people on this planet that I trust blindly. And it’s a shame that I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like to…

These are the 3 most important men in my life, and you know exactly who you are.

I love you.

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On the next episode of SBD….

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It’s almost 3am and I’m wide awake, no shock there.

Last night I spent all evening digging through my storage space downstairs and I threw out a lot of stuff but I also came across a lot of old stuff. Some of which were my case files from the courts when I was 17 and I went through it all, especially because these were copies they had given my egg donor (for those just tuning in: that’s my “mother”) and I had honestly never laid eyes on them before. Suffice it to say: it triggered me and I got very upset. I was insanely angry and just raging.

As always, I immediately reached out to D. And he managed to calm me down a bit, after which I was finally able to stop bouncing around the house and feeling restless.

I have a lot to say about how I felt when reading all these court papers and I plan on dropping a post about it tomorrow. It might be a bit long so and filled with rants but I promise that it will be a good read, especially since I’m going to be VERY honest and very blunt.

So stay tuned and don’t change the channel!