Push

Lately I have really had to push all my feelings away. Bottle it up. Something bad happens? Just push it all away, bottle it up and don’t think about it. Why? Because I have to function properly and in order to do that I can’t be breaking down every 2 minutes.

So I push and push it away. I don’t deal with the situation, I don’t process whatever happened to me, I just push it all away. And a few weeks later it all comes out. A total explosion. All the emotions that I pushed away come back out. Like an emotion explosion. I completely break down. I rage, I cry, I have a massive panic attack, I feel like I am going to die. And then I wipe my tears and pick myself up. I calm down and put on my mask. I then face the world and pretend like everything is okay.

And then the cycle starts all over again….

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