I’m tired. I feel like the life is slowly being sucked out of me, however little I had left to begin with. I feel like I’m restraining the “real me”, whomever that may be.
“You shouldn’t have said that”. “You could have been more subtle”. “You need to be careful with what you say”. “You can’t say whatever is on your mind”. “You are so direct”.
AAAARGH!!! I feel like I am being stifled, silenced, gagged. All that makes me “ME” is being silenced. I am dying inside. Slowly dying. It’s fucking torture.
I feel like such a sell out. This is not the life I wanted. This is not the person I wanted to be. I don’t want to wake up 40 years from now and realize that I wasted my life. I don’t want to realize that I spent 40 years on auto pilot. Doing the same exact thing, day in, day out. Le sigh.
My soul is slowly dying. More and more with each passing day.